Simply, truth.

October 7, 2015

It’s just not that easy. How many times have you been on Instagram, heard that new email ‘bing’ from Blog Lovin’, or found a new pop up blogger to follow that seems just so wise, and so pretty, and so… everything. Well, it’s just not that easy. I have to remind myself (daily, (currently)) that things just don’t happen overnight. Richard Branson said, “There are no quick wins in business, it takes years to become an overnight success”. I thought that when I stopped dancing things would happen faster. It’s not that I thought they would necessarily be simpler to achieve – but I suddenly wasn’t thinking about the time and dedication it takes to sculpt and train the body. Finding people to help you sculpt and train your career is much harder. What’s on paper counts. What people say about you, counts. It’s no longer up to me to get to the gym, to the pilates studio, or to the barre six days a week. It’s up to me to prove myself to others, that they will take a chance on me, endorse me and be willing to put their name on paper in order for my career to flourish. It’s just not that easy. How do you even find which direction to follow?

I started this blog because I wanted to share things about my experience here in Germany. Did you know that you can’t simply pick up some panadol at the local supermarket? (Headache tablets for the non-Australians). You have to go to an Apotheke and they are behind the counter. I wanted to share the hours of waiting in lines at immigration offices and how the system actually works, the excitement of small things like picking up your german driver’s licence, or simply travelling on a train through a random city in Europe because – well – it’s a Tuesday and that’s where you happened to be because you’re on your way to what used to seem an exotic destination… Europe… where you live… because that’s just life, right?! These are the things I first thought of sharing. But, somehow, it turned into something else, and I haven’t been able to write in months because it’s just not that easy.

 

Here I am, sitting in southern Germany waiting for fate to shine a light. I am attempting every avenue and so far there have been set backs. Honestly. I am no superstar Instagram account, and this is certainly not an award winning travel blog. But you know what – that’s ok. I am on an adventure. I have friends, in Europe. I speak German. I don’t know what’s going to happen in ten years, five years, or tomorrow. I know that it’s hard. I know that it’s also terrifying. But, I have learnt that just because I’m not training my body anymore to prove that I can lift my leg higher, turn more or prove that I have more stamina – I am working really hard to be successful at something.

 

Two weeks ago, I was accepted into a Master’s program at Albert Ludwig’s University in Freiburg. A week later, having just missed out on a good enough written result despite my other three language components well and truly making the grade, I missed out once again. That was my last chance to accept my placement for this intake. It’s not easy. Of course I was devastated. After months of feeling directionless and at a loss as to ‘what next’, I had thought that I finally knew where I was headed. But it wasn’t meant to be. This is what moving overseas and taking chances is all about.

 

I took the chance to apply for a Master’s, I was one of fifty to be accepted but it just wasn’t meant to be for now. Do you know what I lost? Nothing. Just some salty water that came mostly out my eyes, and probably out my nose. It happens. I really do want to do the course, and I hope that I can take it next year, or perhaps the year after, when fate thinks that the time is right and I have improved on my written German. Until then, I’m just going to keep being me and working at it. No fake “my life is perfect” selfie photos, and no blog posts that infer that I’m living on a champagne diet. I didn’t ever think that I would know what feeling ‘directionless’ would be like, but I think this is when a wise person says that it’s all part the mystery. So, I’ve strapped myself in for this wild ride to continue and sent off double digits worth of job applications today. I had a fantastic night with a great girlfriend watching chickflicks and drinking wine. I am lucky, and I know it. I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m going to try and write more often, but I just can’t guarantee that it’s going to be all magic and unicorns, and I hope that I’m not going to be afraid of writing the truth.

 

“Leben ist kein Pony Hof”. That’s a german for, “it’s just not that easy”. But you know what – today, that’s ok! There is no overnight success. It’s simply the truth.

8 comments

  • Ali

    Halaina, I just want to give you a big hug.
    This was beautifully written.
    Honestly kiddo, I am 46 years old and you have done a bazillion times more things than I have at your young age. I am so proud of you, and so jealous of your fabulous life!! (you do have a really great life!) Balancing a degree, an international move, a new language, new country…. you have done amazing things in the short time that I have known you, and succeeded at them all!
    It’ll happen, it’ll come. For now, just go with the flow. Enjoy the European experience, being with your love, and your gorgeous new puppy. The rest is sure to happen. You will see the fruits of your hard work. It’s only a matter of time! :)

  • Bryant T

    Hi Halaina,

    I’m new to your blog and this post was amazing. It is very hard sometimes to keep up the consistency to do what you want to do when life keeps throwing it’s curve balls. I’ve experienced that so many times. More times than I’d like to admit! However, life is beautiful and our journeys are even more beautiful. You’re going to get what’s meant for you and you’re going to be so happy when it finally comes. I wish you the best!

    • Halaina Hills

      Thank you so much for the comment! I really appreciate knowing that there are people out there liking something I have written, and experiencing similar things. Somehow, I feel so much less alone. :)

  • Jonathan

    good one, H. take care. J.

  • Olga

    what a wonderful blog! I don’t respond to these generally but was driven to comment. You’re journey in life is going through a growth stage. Enjoy the journey beautiful girl!
    Olga

  • Jill

    Dear Halaina
    Thanks for sharing you life.. You are an amazing young woman who deserves the best.. I hope something good comes soon from the applications you have submitted..
    Lots of love and hugs
    Jill xx

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